Virgo- Change is coming your way. Both you and the cashier at McDonalds know this.

Libra- You are finally going to get over your fear of clowns, but unfortunately it will be too late.

Scorpio- You are untouchable this week. Don’t even bother with the crosswalks, just go for it.

Sagittarius- Just wait and see what your roommate is going to do THIS week.

Capricorn- Prepare for a rapid and uncontrollable descent into the occult after reading your horoscope for the first time.

Aquarius- You’ll try to tell him that there’s no use crying over spilt milk, but the guy who is delivering your groceries just won’t stop.

Pisces- You’ll finally get a chance to apply that theory you learned about in physics as your car spins wildly out of control.

Aries- It’s still warm out, so you’ll be even more surprised when you find the one icy spot on campus.

Taurus- You will finally get a chance to show off your upper body strength as you work to free yourself from beneath the statue of True Grit.

Gemini- Oh boy, you definitely picked the wrong weekend to go home.

Cancer- You are going to feel very silly when you accidentally condition before you shampoo.

Leo- This week you’ll discover that even those large printers in the library can jam.