Compiled by the Retriever Weekly Features Staff

Virgo- You’ll try to get out of bed, but there will be no login servers available.

Libra- You’ve learned a lot about friendship this semester. Too bad you’re not majoring in friendship, huh?

Scorpio- It’ll be a nice week to soak up some rays. To the physics labs!

Sagittarius- Your plan to graduate early by hiding under someone else’s gown will be a great success.

Capricorn- This week, you’ll try to rub True Grits for good luck, but you won’t be able to find the dining hall’s nose.

Aquarius- You won’t be able to believe the semester is over. It seems like just yesterday that you fell through the time rift. Wait, was it yesterday? Or was it tomorrow?

Pisces- This week, you’ll forget your roommate’s name for the final time.

Aries- You’ll round out the semester with a solid 4.0 (BAC not GPA, sorry.)

Taurus- This week, you’ll finally figure out what that random light switch in your apartment does (it launches the missiles).

Gemini- On the bright side, the random extra arm you are growing will let you finish your exams twice as fast.

Cancer- You’ll finish your last paper just over your sigh/groan quota.

Leo- This week, you’ll help set the bittersweet end-of-semester mood by blasting “Closing Time” by Semisonic everywhere you go.