Horoscope

Compiled by the Retriever Weekly Features Staff

Virgo- You’ll find that herbal tea to be less relaxing after you spill it all over your lap.

Libra- You’ll make a new friend this week, assuming the bee that won’t leave you alone is trying to be your friend.

Scorpio- With time running out, you’ll finally admit that it was a bad idea to make your theoretical physics project contingent on you figuring out time travel.

Sagittarius- You’ll be metaphorically blown away by how rapidly the wind literally blows away all of your notes.

Capricorn- The sound your sneaker makes as you slip and tumble backwards will inform you that, yes, the floor is indeed squeaky clean.

Aquarius- With the sun shining brightly and nary a cloud in the sky, you’ll find your atmospheric science project on cloud formation very difficult to complete.

Pisces- You’ll feel much better once you reframe that huge, unforgivable mistake as “learning your limits.”

Aries- You’ll feel vaguely disappointed upon discovering the your horoscope is utterly useless this week.

Taurus- After several weeks of failed gardening, you’ll decide that, you know what? Weeds actually look kind of nice.

Gemini- A brief nap outside will leave you feeling refreshed and without a wallet or backpack.

Cancer- You’ll score big when you find a box of free will just lying around for the taking.

Leo- You’ll feel disconnected from everyone around you, at least until the wi-fi comes back up.