Happy April Fools’ Day! You are reading an article written for our April Fools’ edition of the newspaper, The Deceiver. This is a work of satire.
On the cusp of the highly anticipated “Avengers: Endgame,” speculation is rampant as to which characters will bite the dust and which will continue on to future storylines. Fan theories put several of the original six Avengers as doomed to fall, including Tony Stark, but recent contract leaks prove wrong.
During a recent interview with The Daily Bugle, the loose-lipped Spider-Man actor Tom Holland revealed the details to all contractual agreements of every actor credited to a Marvel property. Analysts are unsure why Holland was told of the contracts, and how he memorized them. Nevertheless, the details include casting lists, character sketches and full script summaries to future films post-Endgame.
At the helm of the entire universe, Robert Downey Jr’s portrayal of Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, has carried the Avengers franchise, as well as his solo-adventure Iron Man trilogy. Nearing the end of 2017, there were reportedly no plans for a continuation of the Iron Man franchise. With the dominating success of “Avengers: Infinity War” and projected success of “Avengers: Endgame,” Disney executives have elected to continue the character’s solo title story with “Iron Man 4” set to debut in 2022. Though details of the film’s extended plot are scarce, sources can confirm the film will take in the Musical genre, taking advantage of Downey’s musical prowess.
With Downey’s loaded film schedule including other projects such as the 2021 “Sherlock and Holmes 3” and 2020’s “The Voyage of Doctor Dolittle,” Marvel has negotiated a more than fair price for Downey’s time. Downey is expected to earn $45 million on this project alone with an extra 2.5 percent of the entire film profits as previously negotiated, a projected $70 million total. This establishes Downey as the highest paid superhero genre actor, just edging out Downey’s performance in “Avengers: Age of Ultron” for $35 million and Downey’s performance in “Captain America; Civil War” at $65 million.
Several alumni members of the core Iron Man cast are set to return in the long-awaited sequel. Gwyneth Paltrow returns as Pepper Potts after her heroic rescue in “Avengers: Endgame.” As negotiated by Paltrow and several Disney executives, her appearance hinges on the positive product placement of her self-owned lifestyle brand Goop. To lineup with the wide range of Goop branded products, Pepper will sport a highly advanced nanosuit implanted in her vagina. Goop is also expected to release a whole line of Iron Man themed products as a promotional tie-in including face masks and quartz eggs.
Jon Favreau is also expected to return as Tony’s best friend, Happy Hogan. After his small part in “Spiderman: Homecoming,” Happy now commands an entire fleet of young heroes out of Avengers Tower as their adoptive guardian. One scene in particular features Happy cooking up grilled cheese sandwiches at the Avengers Kitchen for the entire Young Avengers team at the newly renovated Avengers Dormitory.
The most important bit of Iron Man news is the inclusion of a brand new villain into the MCU. The long awaited and teased magical dragon Fin Fang Foom is set to make his cinematic debut in “Iron Man 4,” played by the talented Adam Sandler. Sandler is set to provide all non-musical vocals as well as CGI motion capture for Fin Fang Foom, while the musical numbers will be performed by Grammy award winner Justin Bieber. In addition to Fin Fang Foom, Ben Kingsley’s portrayal of the Mandarin is set to return in a once again comedic role.
Beyond the contractual agreements, Holland was able to reveal that one other MCU veteran will be joining Tony Stark in “Iron Man 4,” in the vein of “Captain America: Civil War.” While many expect Christ Evans to make an appearance, recent tweets from Michael Rooker suggest he has been approached about reprising his role of Mary Poppins, completing the stacked cast and setting the film up for a great success.